Finding a pulse

IVR
noun

Short for interactive voice response, a telephony technology in which someone uses a touch-tone telephone to interact with a database to acquire information from or enter data into the database. IVR technology does not require human interaction over the telephone as the user's interaction with the database is predetermined by what the IVR system will allow the user access to. For example, banks and credit card companies use IVR systems so that their customers can receive up-to-date account information instantly and easily without having to speak directly to a person. IVR technology is also used to gather information, as in the case of telephone surveys in which the user is prompted to answer questions by pushing the numbers on a touch-tone telephone.

Every company you call now pretty much has some sort of an automated call menu. Sometimes that's fine; if all you want to do is check your checking account balance or find out what the store hours are and the like.

But sometimes you know that the information you need is so obscure or your question so convoluted that you know ain't no phone tree option is gonna cover it.

You need to talk to a real person.

Problem is, every IVR system has a different way to route you through to an actual person. They also always tag it onto the very end, so you have to listen to the entire freakin' message before you find out you need to type "*", then 0 twice, then say "operator" in order to get connected to an actual sentient (hopefully) human.

Find-A-Human to the rescue! It's a database of the different codes you need to punch in or speak in order to expedite the process of getting something organic on the other end of the phone.