Thursday, March 31, 2005

Breathe, breathe in the air

Man tries to fool breathalyzer the hard way. The really, really, really hard way. He must have read that eating tobacco, or sucking on a penny or breathmint won't do the trick (though gasoline additives will).

Or perhaps he was just enjoying the contents of the care package someone sent him? (via The Presurfer)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Pass the pruno, hold the seagull

As nasty as prison-made wine a/k/a/ "pruno" sounds, and Eric Gillin does a bang-up job with a 1,700+ word how-to on making your own batch out of fruit, sugar and ketchup (no prunes, surprisingly), this 15-word recipe for making the Eskimo delicacy called Seagull Wine blows pruno right outta the water.

Are you ready?

Here's how to make Seagull Wine:

1. Put a seagull in a bottle.
2. Fill with water.
3. Let it ferment in the sun.

Yes. A seagull. A. Dead. Seagull. In a bottle. And left in the sun. Uh-huh. No, I don't think I want to supersize my order, thanks...

More goodies, like Glogg, Ammonia Coke and Cynar (a bitter liquer made from... artichokes) can be found at, and this is just on the Drinks page. Bugs is a guaranteed gross-out, and I bet you didn't even know that dirt was a food group.

Blind in one eye, can't see out the other

Motion-induced blindness and many more optical illusions.

(via Cynical-C)

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Signing... well, more like drawing, on the dotted line

I have previously posted on's original Credit Card Prank, where one man asks the question, "How crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice?"

The experiment gets kicked up a notch with Credit Card Prank II.

Yosemite Sam called me a "Rat Eater"! That's total felgercarb!

A few months ago I tried looking for a comprehensive list of "fake" swear-words. You know, like friggin' or consarnit, etc. I Googled in earnest, but couldn't hit paydirt until, hooray! Sarcasmo found the motherlode!

List of fictional curse words. It still doesn't have or consarnit or any of the declensions of the verb "frig", but we're getting close... By the way, who knew Scooby and Shaggy were "cursing" when they said Zoinks?!

PS. Explanation of the title of this post for those in too big a hurry to RTFA (read the friggin' article):

rassin-frassin - from Hanna-Barbera's Jetsons & Flintstones a derogatory adjective of some kind. Possible corruption of the German curse "Ratzen-Fressen" or "Rat Eating/Eater." Also uttered by Yosemite Sam in Warner Bros cartoons.

felgercarb - from Battlestar Galactica (or feldercarb, feldergarb or felgergarb) usage context appears to be similar to "bullshit" / also a term for garbage and/or mechanical sludge in more polite usage

In related fictional lingo, Twists, Slugs and Roscoes: A Glossary of Hardboiled Slang is helpful in deciphering what those private eyes and gangsters meant when they said stuff like, "You dumb mug, get your mitts off the marbles before I stuff that mud-pipe down your mush--and tell your moll to hand over the mazuma."

Monday, March 21, 2005

Friday, March 18, 2005

Rosebud was a sled...

The Best Movie Endings Ever (and the worst, too). At least according to one USA Today columnist.

Readers of vote for their most idiotic surprise-twist movie endings. (via J-Walk)

I've been trying to find a general collection of alternate movie endings online, but have been having no success. I guess this will have to make do: gives away the endings of hundreds of movies (but just the final cut, with no mention of alternate endings).

The original ending for "Clerks" had Dante shot to death in a botched robbery. (Quicktime)

In "Little Shop of Horrors", the movie originally ended with Seymour and Audrey being eaten by the plant, but preview audience's negative reaction encouraged Oz to shoot a new ending.

Some Hollywood film endings that didn't make the grade.

Saving the world

Read the strange and sad story of the Collyer Brothers, perhaps the ultimate packrats.

Another version of the Collyer Brothers story, with a little more explanation on why they lived like they did. Perhaps not surprisingly, these guys are selling a book called Disposophobia: The Fear of Getting Rid of Stuff. Truly incredible pics of homes with a "severe clutter problem" here, here and here.

Why do people hoard? Visitors to one website share their reasons.

Has anyone heard of or seen the documentary Packrat? The presskit says:
Filmmaker Kris Britt Montag traces her family’s struggle to deal with “Packratting.” Kris chronicles her father’s life and the development of the problem, which may be a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Personal and informational, “Packrat” looks at what it’s like to grow up with hoarding as an issue.

The Packrat's Guide to a Happy Home by Hilary Emmons, who is alright with having what she calls "a stuff problem".

Ill Communications

Communication Breakdown Part 1: The word is "Nikto"

You don't think clear communication is important? Well, young grasshopper, perhaps you have forgotten the hard lessons learned by Bruce Campbell's character Ash, from Sam Raimi's classic Army of Darkness.

To wit:

This path will lead you to an unholy place. A cemetery. There the Necronomicon awaits. When thou retrievest the book from its cradle you must recite the words: Klaatu Barada Nikto.

Klaatu Barada Nikto. Okay.

Well repeat them.

Klaatu Barada Nikto.


I got it! I got it! I know your damn words alright? Now you get this straight, the both of you. If I get that book you send me back. After that, I'm history. Hyeah!

[Later... It's crunchtime. Ash has the Necromicon, and to open it without summoning vast legions of the undead he just needs to say...]

The words. Right, right, right. Say the words. Klaatu! Barata! Nn... Necktie, necturn, nickle... noodle. It's an 'n' word. It's definitely an 'n' word. It was definitely an 'n' word! Klaatu! Barata! Nn(coughmumblecough).

[The wind stops. Everything quiets down.]

... Okay then. That's it.

[Gravestones start to tremble. Hands shoot up from the graves. The dead rise!]

Hey! Wait a minute! Everything's cool! I said the words! I did!


So. "The devil is in the details", they say. And "you never get a second chance to make a first impression". And [insert your own wise adage here]. Being understood can sometimes be kinda important in a sort of preventing-humanity-from-being-overrun-by-the-undead kinda way, yeah?

Of course, it's extremely unlikely you'll ever be in this particular situation (or "sitch" as the Kim Possible set say) of needing to communicate with zombies from the netherworld. I mean, please, let's not be ridiculous.

But space aliens, on the other hand...

Say this is your first meeting with an un-Earthly non-human entity: an Extraterrestrial (ET). If you handle it well, you will be the greatest hero alive, and be able to make a fortune selling your story to the media. If you blow it, the repercussions could be unimaginably terrible, perhaps an interstellar war that could annihilate humanity.

Feeling a little stressed out? Rule Number One: DON'T PANIC.{1} Just follow these simple guidelines, and all will be well. We hope.

(via The Presurfer)


Communication Breakdown Part 2: Erectric Boogaroo


You may have heard of, right? As their FAQ explains, they point out "humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design."

It made me wonder whether "Engrish" occurred in other countries that Japan sends products to. Do Parisians get a giggle out of mistranslated "Flench"? Is there a website for "Itarian"? These questions remain unanswered, but there is another site out there that appreciates a good mistranslation. Think of The Chinglish Files (Chinese + English) as a kind of sister-site to

For anyone interested, here is a more in-depth look at how Chinglish occurs.

(also via The Presurfer)

(And yes, I realize both of these posts are from The Presurfer. What can I say? The Presurfer rocks. You should check out The Presurfer, for The Presurfer does not disappoint. All hail The Presurfer! If I were that kind of guy, I would give The Presurfer a full-on kiss on the mouth. But no tongues... I like The Presurfer, but I don't like The Presurfer that much.)

Sure, I can drive a stick...

...Right up my nose.


The dos and don'ts of chopstick etiquette. The sample comes from the chopsticks wrapper of a sushi restaurant in Minneapolis.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hey, buddy! Got change for a wallet?

One more reason to stress out when I lose my wallet.

The first rule of Office Club is... You Do Not Talk About Office Club

Bosses... heh, heh, heh, you know what they say about bosses, right? Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em... Or can you? (via Metafilter)

But wait! Save some of that anger for your co-worker as well and let 'im have it (virtually) with Whip The Worker (Click link and scroll down and download #81 to play).

worker1 worker2 worker3

Think of it as a safety valve to keep you from going all postal while you're OTJ.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

This is the end, my friend...

At least according to one USA Today columnist, the Best Movie Endings Ever (and the worst).

Readers of vote for their most idiotic surprise-twist movie endings. (via J-Walk)

I've been trying to find a general collection of alternate movie endings online, but have been having no success. I guess this will have to make do: gives away the endings of hundreds of movies (but just the final cut, with no mention of alternate endings).

The original ending for "Clerks" had Dante shot to death in a botched robbery. (Quicktime)

In "Little Shop of Horrors", the movie originally ended with Seymour and Audrey being eaten by the plant, but preview audience's negative reaction encouraged Oz to shoot a new ending.

Some Hollywood film endings that didn't make the grade.

What's on your desktop?

Take a look at what other folks have on their desktop at The Desktop Project. Kind of appeals to the Peeping Geek (Geeking Tom?) in me... [ALERT: This site may contain NSFW (not safe for work) images. It was pretty tame when I posted this, but today, not so much...]

In the interests of sharing, here's mine, replete with good ol' Homestar Runner.


(via J-Walk)

Zoom! ZIP!

Zoom in on any area of the world with Keyhole. Try it out for 7 days free, or subscribe for a year for under $30. I've been playing with this for the past week, and it's quite addicting.

Zipdecode lets you zoom in on ZIP Codes across the US. Start typing in a ZIP COde and watch as it narrows down to the exact location of that ZIP.

Fighting back... just a little

The New York Times has a great little article on the small acts of insubordination most all of us do in some form or another. Like the guy who saves up all the subscription cards that fall out of his magazines. He saves them up on his desk and at the end of each month, he puts them in the mail but leaves them blank so that the advertiser is forced to pay the business reply postage without gaining a new subscriber. Another person always orders a "small" pizza from Little Ceasar's, knowing that they will point out that the smallest pizza they make is called a "medium".

An amusing quote from the article:

The Internet offers a booming trade to help with this type of annoyance-fighting behavior. For example, shared passwords to free Web sites are available at to help people avoid dealing with long registration forms.

Amusing because The NY Times is one of those very sites that forces you to fill in such a registration form, and is probably the biggest recipient of BugMeNot shared passwords. (via

Speaking of Life's Little Victories, here's a nice little daily comic by that very name that celebrates those minor joys in life.



Monday, March 14, 2005

Mmmm... sacrelicious!

Danish bakers have taken up the challenge to come up with different flavors for commmunion wafers.

‘We have never tried anything like this before,’ Svendborg baker Gerner Pedersen said. ‘It’s very exciting. I think I will go for a baguette made out of a mixture of wheat and rye flour. That would give a good, strong taste of bread.’

Here are the Top Five Rejected Communion Wafer Flavors

Extreme Rye Eucharist
Whole-y Wheat
Body of Christ Blueberry Blast!
Grandma Fanny's Farm-Fresh Flesh Flavor
Blood 'n' Bread -- "The Blood's Baked Right In!"

(via J-Walk)

Birthday Pi for Al

Today (March 14th) is Pi Day, since pi is approximately 3.14. If you really wanna get gung-ho, you can celebrate at 1:59 PM, since pi is even more approximately 3.14159. And if you are an über-nerd, you can party down at 1:59 and 26.5353973238 etc. seconds.

Appropriately, March 14th also happens to be Albert Einstein's birthday.

Some random pi links to check out, after, you know, the hoopla dies down at 2:00 PM...

pi10k lets you convert the first 10,000 digits of pi into a musical sequence. Guess you could put this on the speakers while you're eating your party pie...

Think you're all that? Take the Pi Trivia Quiz and see what kinda chops you got, hotshot. My pi fu was good enough to ne me a score of 15 out of 25.

Search the first 4 billion digits of pi for your favorite number or letter sequence. Letters are converted into binary or something. I think... The website is not that easy to understand, I'm afraid.

Send your friends a Pi Day E-greeting card. Probably not very necessary if you're the type that actually celebrates Pi Day, if you know what I'm saying.

For reasons lost on me, redirects you to while takes you to, uh, something in Korean? Or Chinese? Maybe?

Enjoy the rest of your Pi Day.

I thought you'd never ask. And, well... you never did.

SAQ (Seldom Asked Questions) about Japan.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Just A Little Over The Top

Those evil-natured robots
they're programmed to destroy us
she's gotta be strong to fight them
so she's taking lots of vitamins

'Cause she knows that
it'd be tragic
if those evil robots win
I know she can beat them

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots defeat me
Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots eat me

The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots, Pt. 1

The winner of the international robot-vs-human armwrestling championship is... Panna Felson, a 17-year-old high school student from San Diego. She needed just 24 seconds to defeat the 'bot.

She then went on to defeat two other robotic arms, one in just three seconds.

No word yet on whether she got a little "help" from Jose Canseco before the match.

(via Slashdot)

PS. Yeah, that's right. I used a Sly Stallone arm-wrestling-movie reference...

Tuesday, March 08, 2005


The Trixie Update contains copious amounts of data about Ben's daughter Trixie, who is as of today, 1 year, 7 months, 8 days old. How much data could there be, right? You have no idea. One of the subsections of TTU is Metrics, where you can track Trixie's Sleep Distribution Patterns (like in the graphic above), her Bottle and Diaper Telemetry data, and much, much (much, much, much, much, *MUCH*) more. Much more. Much.

(via Bifurcated Rivets)

Monday, March 07, 2005

Third base!

Brilliant send-up of Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First?". For the young whippersnappers out there going "Huh?", click here for the original bit.

Friday, March 04, 2005

That's Showbiz

Query letters are sent to Hollywood agents and studios to pitch movie script ideas. Some of them are worse than others. Lots worse. (via Memepool)

Remember the trailer for the Jerry Seinfeld movie Comedian, where the voiceover guy tries to shoehorn in every movie trailer cliche ("In a world...", "When everything you know is wrong...", "Now, more than ever...") in the book? I couldn't find an interview with that guy (Hal Douglas), but I did find two other interviews from the other top voice in movie trailers, Don "Thunder Throat" LaFontaine. He's done voicework for over 3,000 films, and you can hear him in action here. Hard to believe that In A World, Where Movies Are King... One Man... could be so recognized just by his voice.

Did you know Hollywood used to be called Hollywoodland? And that in the 1920s, there used to be a maintenance man whose sole job was to change the 4,000 light bulbs on the HOLLYWOOD(LAND) sign as they burned out? Interesting history of Hollywood's most famous landmark.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Math In Pocket

’cause I gonna make you see
There’s nobody else here
No one like me
I’m special, so special

The Pretenders - "Brass In Pocket"

Pick a number. Go on, pick some random number between 0 and 10,000. Got one? Now find out what's special about that number.*

*WARNING! Most of these are incredibly, mind-numbingly math-geeky! For example, I have no clue what "1990 is a Stella Octangula Number" means, even with the helpful** link.

**Not really all that helpful

Revolver in a blender

Clever mash-up of The Beatles classic "Revolver" album. Some standout tracks include "Close To No One" (The Beatles "No One" + The Cure's "Close To Me"), "That's All Yellow" (The Beatles "Yellow Submarine + Genesis "That's All) and the brilliant "Got To Get You In The Mood" (The Beatles "Got To Get You Into My Life" + Glenn Miller "In The Mood").

(via Boing Boing)

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

What's that s'posed to mean?

Annotated Beastie Boys Lyrics
Annotated Hip-hop Lyrics
Annotated Grateful Dead Lyrics
Annotated Jethro Tull Lyrics
Annotated Lyrics to Don McLean's "American Pie"
Annotated Rammstein Lyrics
Annotated Lyrics to "Science Fiction Double Feature" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack
Annotated Lyrics of Laurie Anderson
Annotated Enya Lyrics

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Sinding? Statting?

It's not quite sitting. It's not quite standing. It's the Stance Angle chair & Plasma2 System.

Gee, that chair looks familiar. No wait, I'll get it...


"Ripping someone's face off with my teeth used to cause unbearable lumbar and lower-back pain until I discovered the Stance Angle chair & Plasma2 System!"

(via J-Walk)