Sunday, May 27, 2007

Taming of the Shoe

Cruel Shoes
Written by Steve Martin

Anna knew she had to have some new shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, "Well, that's every pair of shoes in the place."

"Oh, you must have one more pair..."

"No, not one more pair... Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want..."

Anna interrupted, "Oh yes, let me see the cruel shoes!"

Carlo looked incredulous. "No Anna, you don't understand, you see the cruel shoes are..."

"Get them!"

Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, then returned with an ordinary shoe box. He opened the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But these were not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had aright angle turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place.

Carlo spoke hesitantly, "... Now you see why... they're not fit for humans..."

"Put them on me."


"Put them on me!"

Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.

The screams were incredible.

Anna crawled over to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.

"I like them."

She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.

Later that day, Carlo was overheard saying to a new customer, "Well, that's every shoe in the place. Unless, of course, you'd like to try the cruel shoes."

At 8'11.1", Robert Wadlow was the tallest person in history until he was killed by a blister.

These shoes (there are eight different styles in all) must have come from a "Buy Ugly, Get Uncomfortable Free" sale.
UPDATE: Looks like these funky shoes may be a hoax. I have changed the link to the one at

Blisters the dice game

The Killer Shoes -- no, wait,that's Shrews -- no, wait, that actually looks more like a collie under a throw rug. Head over to the Internet Archive to watch it in all its carpet-covered-canine gory glory.

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Janet Lee said...

I've seen shoes like some of those in my vintage fetish porn. It was like they stepped off the page....

Lizy said...

Are they real shoes..will they be
to wear and walk..but the color is good..Cool post.

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