Whack-A-'Guin

pen·guin   Any of various stout flightless marine birds of the family Spheniscidae, of cool regions of the Southern Hemisphere, having flipperlike wings and webbed feet adapted for swimming and diving, and short scalelike feathers that are white in front and black on the back.

Flightless, huh? My personal bests: 1215.8m sliding, 794.7 landing him beak-first. How did you do?

(Thanks,Bonnie... as if I wasn't unproductive enough)

Beatle Juice?

From the "It Looked Good On Paper" department, Business 2.0 has published its annual 101 Dumbest Moments in Business for 2003. Some of these are pretty amusing, such as #14:

A British man claiming to have caught the flu from former Beatle Paul McCartney attempts to sell the germs on eBay. The listing is later pulled, but not before seller Ian Mears kindly offers the high bidder the option of "a resealable bag that I will cough into, or if preferred, they can have a plastic container full of mucus."

(via Boing Boing)

Our video card is Da Shizzle!

Pity the poor technical copywriter. Destined to write print ad after print ad full of dull, dry as dust specs on access speeds for hard drives and the like.

Hey! Maybe it would be a good idea to make it hipper, to try and emulate the jargon of today's more urban-centric youth! Then again, maybe that's not such a good idea...

(via Life of Levi)

"Hello, my name is Picabo, and I am an addict"

You know, what with the national debt spiraling out of control and all, maybe it's time we scale back some of our government programs. Take the "War On Drugs" that we currently seem to be losing, for example. Maybe we could start with something a little bit smaller?

Shallow Blue

I have never, ever, ever in my life ever won a game of chess. Never. I freely and without reservation admit I'm terrible at it. So it was a great surprise to me that I checkmated my "Intel Inside" opponent the first time out playing Flashchess. I doubt my game has suddenly improved, so it must be beginner's luck.

(via Incoming Signals)

Gnome? I've never even met him!

It's not clear whether this bloke was terrorized by these little guys, or whether he had a traumatic experience while visiting this town, but he definitely has some anger issues he should be dealing with.

(via Memepool)

"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

This post about The Condiment Packet Museum is jam-packed with bad puns that barely cut the mustard. Honey, I really relish peppering this entry with enough condiment references to land you in the Mayo Clinic. So go ahead and ketch up with the latest happenings at T.C.P.M.

Not recommended for swimming

Dadgummit... With all the holiday craziness I forgot to enter in time for The 2004 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool at stiffs.com or Amish Tech Support's 2004 Dead Pool. At least I think I'm too late for the one at stiffs.com, but I definitely missed the December 1st deadline for the one at Amish Tech Support. Did any readers of Info Nation enter for 2004 or in years past?

If you are wondering what a dead pool is exactly, here's your chance to bone up on the subject.

"One ring* to rule them all and in the darkness bind them"

* Offer void where prohibited. Not valid in Rhode Island, Kentucky or Rivendell. Your mileage may vary. A small percentage of wearers of the Ring of Power may experience side effects, the most serious being dry mouth, invisibility, immortality, dizziness, a desire to enslave all free peoples of Middle Earth and abdominal cramping. Check with your physician before wearing The One Ring or any of the lesser Rings of Power.

"As a small token of your friendship Sauron asks this," he said: "that you should find this thief," such was his word, "and get from him, willing or no, a little ring, the least of rings, that once he stole. It is but a trifle that Sauron fancies, and an earnest of your good will. Find it, and three rings that the Dwarf-sires possessed of old shall be returned to you, and the realm of Moria shall be yours for ever. Find only news of the thief, whether he still lives and where, and you shall have great reward and lasting friendship from the Lord. Refuse, and things will not seem so well. Do you refuse?"

--The Fellowship of the Ring, in "The Council of Elrond"

A law student with perhaps a bit too much spare time dissects this offer and discusses whether it is a valid legal contract. The Law and Sauron.

(via #!/usr/bin/grl)

Now 28% more absorbent! And 65% less Village People-y!

Brawny brand paper towels is dumping their Brawny Man logo for someone who looks less like a '70s porn guy'.

(via Scrubbles)