Thursday, April 29, 2004

Talking heads

Making Faces from Bud Light has been bringing productivity in our office to a screeching halt the past two days. Upload a picture, map out a few facial landmarks and type in a message. Voila! Instant talking head. (requires Internet Explorer)
(via J-Walk)

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I Was In Woodrow Wilson's Nostril

Some amazing photos from the WWI era by Arthur Mole and John Thomas. The George Glazer Gallery website describes it nicely:

During and shortly after World War I, Mole traveled with his partner John D. Thomas from one military camp to another, posing thousands of soldiers to form gigantic patriotic symbols that they photographed from above. The formations depicted such images as the Liberty Bell, the Statue of Liberty, the Marine Corps emblem and a portrait of President Woodrow Wilson. The Wilson portrait, for example, was formed using 21,000 officers and men at Camp Sherman in Ohio and stretched over 700 feet. His "Human Liberty Bell" was composed from over 25,000 soldiers, arranged with Mole's characteristic attention to detail to even depict the crack in the bell. Mole and Thomas spent a week or more preparing for these immense works, which were taken from a 70- or 80-foot tower with an 11- by- 14-inch view camera.

Other images include the 30,000-man Human U.S. Shield (finally, a good meaning for "human shield"!), the U.S. Flag, and Uncle Sam.

Friday, April 23, 2004

"I've got a delicious baked good and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Sixth-grader suspended from school after threatening allergic teacher with a peanut-butter cookie.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

TRIF (Tattoo Reading Is Fundamental)

[Jesse and Chester have tattoos on their backs that say "dude" and "sweet."]
Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: [angry] "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: [screaming] "Sweet!"
Dude, Where's My Car?

Back in college, I used to think I was fashionable when I wore my T-shirt sporting a big red Chinese character of some kind. That is until my girlfriend pointed out that, me not literate in Chinese and all, for all I knew I could be proudly announcing to the Asian community an affinity for abnormal relations. Okay, what she actually said was, "Gonna wear your 'I [expletive for really, really, really like] dogs' shirt again, huh?" So now whenever I see someone with a tattoo like that, I always wonder if their 'tat really does mean "tranquility and joy" like the artist told them.

Lesson Number 1) Chinese is not English with funnier looking letters
Story of moron who went into tattoo shop and asked that they inscribe his name in Chinese, letter for letter. Since each character is a word, instead of saying "Jeremy", his back now reads "Kung Po karate, martial arts expert, and Shaolin fifth".

Lesson Number 2) Research, research, research
Guy asks artist to tattoo Chinese characters for "Love, honor and obey" on his arm. Gets something slightly different instead.

Lesson Number 3) When someone from work says they know Chinese, don't automatically believe them
A pretty funny practical joke involving a tattoo, Photoshop and... bean curd.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Bathroom Humor

A double-whammy hijacked from Sarcasmo's Corner, but somehow they seemed to fit together.

The Writings on the Stall is a huge repository (I said REpository, you sickie) of bathroom graffiti from around the world.

Fark Photoshop contests are known for their bathroom humor. This is one of the funnier ones of late: replacing one product's slogan with another's.
(via Sarcasmo's Corner)

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I vant to be alone!

Friendster,, Spoke, Ryze... Are you turned off by all the online communities? Do you long to surf in peace without being invited every five minutes to a Meetup? Do you just want to be left the hell alone? Sounds like you need Introvertster.
(via I Like)

Monday, April 12, 2004

Have it your way

Chicken, just how you like it: all subservient-like...
(via Follow Me Here)

UPDATE: TWiki has a list submitted by readers of the things the chicken will and won't do.

Happy Dyngus Day!

In Polish culture, the Monday after Easter is called Dyngus Day. It was traditionally the day when boys tried to douse the girls with squirt guns, buckets of water, etc. They also are allowed to swat them with pussy willow braches. The following day, Tuesday, it's the girls turn to take revenge on the guys. Those wacky Poles...
(thanks, Tim-may!)

It'll Never Work!

If you have a passing interest in perpetual motion machines, check out The Museum of Unworkable Devices.
(via Boing Boing)

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

The Great American Work Ethic

Two tales showing good-old American ingenuity for getting the job done. Even if you aren't exactly, you know, willing to go to work.

First stop: Harrisburg, PA -- Further proof that legislation is like sausage. You don't want to see how they make either one. A story of "ghost voting" in the Pennsylvania legislature. I wonder if this kind of thing is more common than we know... From the article:
On the day Gov. Rendell unveiled his budget to a packed House chamber, Rep. William Rieger voted in favor of all six bills that came up.

But Rieger wasn't there. The Democrat was home on Feb. 3, 100 miles away in Philadelphia.

A wad of paper shoved into his electronic "yea" button atop his desk did the work for him.
He even had the nerve to collect his $126 per diem for "food and lodging". Anybody else reminded of Homer Simpson "working" from home by having his drinking bird do all the typing for him? (via As Above)

Next up: From the heart of the Rust Belt -- Selections from Ben Hamper's hilarious "Rivethead". Hampers was a shoprat on the line at General Motors back in the 70s and 80s. During his stint there, he wrote the widely-read column "Impressions of a Rivethead" for the Flint Voice, edited at the time by the infamous Michael Moore. He would regularly set it up with his assembly line partner so that one guy would do both jobs, leaving the other one free to sleep, read, or more likely, go out and get really, really drunk. Did you know that GM, in an effort to raise morale and improve their product, had a guy wander through the plant in a "Howie Makem, The Quality Cat" costume? The selections are great, but the whole book is a real treat, tracking his drug- and alcohol-fueled days on the line ultimately leading to his meltdown at the end of the book. "Rivethead" is one of my favorite reads. Highly recommended.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Sorry, I didn't hear you. I had my eyes closed.

It's always amused me how in movies, as the SWAT/Navy Seals/commando leader and his team are about to ambush the bad guys, he will flash some vague hand signal to his troops (taps elbow, holds up two fingers and points off to the left, etc). Apparently from this they know that means "Six thugs in the next room with the hostage gagged and tied up to a chair. Two more of them upstairs with Uzis. The short one with the scar over his left eye is holding a detonator device wired to some explosives in the briefcase under the table. Three of us should go around to the northwest corner of the building and execute Plan Delta Charlie, just in case they try to escape out the window."

Here are some of the more arcane hand signals, just in case you lost the training manual.