Man tries to fool breathalyzer the hard way. The really, really, really hard way. He must have read that eating tobacco, or sucking on a penny or breathmint won't do the trick (though gasoline additives will).
Or perhaps he was just enjoying the contents of the care package someone sent him? (via The Presurfer)
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Marcellus Wallace's Band-Aid, Exodus 8:2 and 461 F-Bombs
Pulp Fiction Trivia
Magnolia Trivia
As for the cryptic title of this post, you're just gonna have to read the trivia...
Magnolia Trivia
As for the cryptic title of this post, you're just gonna have to read the trivia...
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Pass the pruno, hold the seagull
As nasty as prison-made wine a/k/a/ "pruno" sounds, and Eric Gillin does a bang-up job with a 1,700+ word how-to on making your own batch out of fruit, sugar and ketchup (no prunes, surprisingly), this 15-word recipe for making the Eskimo delicacy called Seagull Wine blows pruno right outta the water.
Are you ready?
Here's how to make Seagull Wine:
1. Put a seagull in a bottle.
2. Fill with water.
3. Let it ferment in the sun.
Yes. A seagull. A. Dead. Seagull. In a bottle. And left in the sun. Uh-huh. No, I don't think I want to supersize my order, thanks...
More goodies, like Glogg, Ammonia Coke and Cynar (a bitter liquer made from... artichokes) can be found at weird-food.com, and this is just on the Drinks page. Bugs is a guaranteed gross-out, and I bet you didn't even know that dirt was a food group.
Are you ready?
Here's how to make Seagull Wine:
1. Put a seagull in a bottle.
2. Fill with water.
3. Let it ferment in the sun.
Yes. A seagull. A. Dead. Seagull. In a bottle. And left in the sun. Uh-huh. No, I don't think I want to supersize my order, thanks...
More goodies, like Glogg, Ammonia Coke and Cynar (a bitter liquer made from... artichokes) can be found at weird-food.com, and this is just on the Drinks page. Bugs is a guaranteed gross-out, and I bet you didn't even know that dirt was a food group.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Signing... well, more like drawing, on the dotted line
I have previously posted on Zug.com's original Credit Card Prank, where one man asks the question, "How crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice?"
The experiment gets kicked up a notch with Credit Card Prank II.
The experiment gets kicked up a notch with Credit Card Prank II.
Yosemite Sam called me a "Rat Eater"! That's total felgercarb!
A few months ago I tried looking for a comprehensive list of "fake" swear-words. You know, like friggin' or consarnit, etc. I Googled in earnest, but couldn't hit paydirt until, hooray! Sarcasmo found the motherlode!
List of fictional curse words. It still doesn't have or consarnit or any of the declensions of the verb "frig", but we're getting close... By the way, who knew Scooby and Shaggy were "cursing" when they said Zoinks?!
PS. Explanation of the title of this post for those in too big a hurry to RTFA (read the friggin' article):
rassin-frassin - from Hanna-Barbera's Jetsons & Flintstones a derogatory adjective of some kind. Possible corruption of the German curse "Ratzen-Fressen" or "Rat Eating/Eater." Also uttered by Yosemite Sam in Warner Bros cartoons.
felgercarb - from Battlestar Galactica (or feldercarb, feldergarb or felgergarb) usage context appears to be similar to "bullshit" / also a term for garbage and/or mechanical sludge in more polite usage
In related fictional lingo, Twists, Slugs and Roscoes: A Glossary of Hardboiled Slang is helpful in deciphering what those private eyes and gangsters meant when they said stuff like, "You dumb mug, get your mitts off the marbles before I stuff that mud-pipe down your mush--and tell your moll to hand over the mazuma."
List of fictional curse words. It still doesn't have or consarnit or any of the declensions of the verb "frig", but we're getting close... By the way, who knew Scooby and Shaggy were "cursing" when they said Zoinks?!
PS. Explanation of the title of this post for those in too big a hurry to RTFA (read the friggin' article):
rassin-frassin - from Hanna-Barbera's Jetsons & Flintstones a derogatory adjective of some kind. Possible corruption of the German curse "Ratzen-Fressen" or "Rat Eating/Eater." Also uttered by Yosemite Sam in Warner Bros cartoons.
felgercarb - from Battlestar Galactica (or feldercarb, feldergarb or felgergarb) usage context appears to be similar to "bullshit" / also a term for garbage and/or mechanical sludge in more polite usage
In related fictional lingo, Twists, Slugs and Roscoes: A Glossary of Hardboiled Slang is helpful in deciphering what those private eyes and gangsters meant when they said stuff like, "You dumb mug, get your mitts off the marbles before I stuff that mud-pipe down your mush--and tell your moll to hand over the mazuma."
Monday, March 21, 2005
Maybe the Professor can make a radio out of it
First it was the man finding a WWII tank buried in his garden.
Then it was the wreckage of a large WWII Japanese sub found in waters off Hawaii.
Gee, Skipper, it's like déjà vu all over again.
Then it was the wreckage of a large WWII Japanese sub found in waters off Hawaii.
Gee, Skipper, it's like déjà vu all over again.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
That explains why I don't see one for Casper
The underlying skeletal systems for famous cartoon characters.
(via A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago)
(via A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago)
Friday, March 18, 2005
Rosebud was a sled...
The Best Movie Endings Ever (and the worst, too). At least according to one USA Today columnist.
Readers of Slate.com vote for their most idiotic surprise-twist movie endings. (via J-Walk)
I've been trying to find a general collection of alternate movie endings online, but have been having no success. I guess this will have to make do:
Ruinedendings.com gives away the endings of hundreds of movies (but just the final cut, with no mention of alternate endings).
The original ending for "Clerks" had Dante shot to death in a botched robbery. (Quicktime)
In "Little Shop of Horrors", the movie originally ended with Seymour and Audrey being eaten by the plant, but preview audience's negative reaction encouraged Oz to shoot a new ending.
Some Hollywood film endings that didn't make the grade.
Readers of Slate.com vote for their most idiotic surprise-twist movie endings. (via J-Walk)
I've been trying to find a general collection of alternate movie endings online, but have been having no success. I guess this will have to make do:
Ruinedendings.com gives away the endings of hundreds of movies (but just the final cut, with no mention of alternate endings).
The original ending for "Clerks" had Dante shot to death in a botched robbery. (Quicktime)
In "Little Shop of Horrors", the movie originally ended with Seymour and Audrey being eaten by the plant, but preview audience's negative reaction encouraged Oz to shoot a new ending.
Some Hollywood film endings that didn't make the grade.
Saving the world
Read the strange and sad story of the Collyer Brothers, perhaps the ultimate packrats.
Another version of the Collyer Brothers story, with a little more explanation on why they lived like they did. Perhaps not surprisingly, these guys are selling a book called Disposophobia: The Fear of Getting Rid of Stuff. Truly incredible pics of homes with a "severe clutter problem" here, here and here.
Why do people hoard? Visitors to one website share their reasons.
Has anyone heard of or seen the documentary Packrat? The presskit says:
The Packrat's Guide to a Happy Home by Hilary Emmons, who is alright with having what she calls "a stuff problem".
Another version of the Collyer Brothers story, with a little more explanation on why they lived like they did. Perhaps not surprisingly, these guys are selling a book called Disposophobia: The Fear of Getting Rid of Stuff. Truly incredible pics of homes with a "severe clutter problem" here, here and here.
Why do people hoard? Visitors to one website share their reasons.
Has anyone heard of or seen the documentary Packrat? The presskit says:
Filmmaker Kris Britt Montag traces her family’s struggle to deal with “Packratting.” Kris chronicles her father’s life and the development of the problem, which may be a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Personal and informational, “Packrat” looks at what it’s like to grow up with hoarding as an issue.
The Packrat's Guide to a Happy Home by Hilary Emmons, who is alright with having what she calls "a stuff problem".
Ill Communications
Communication Breakdown Part 1: The word is "Nikto"
You don't think clear communication is important? Well, young grasshopper, perhaps you have forgotten the hard lessons learned by Bruce Campbell's character Ash, from Sam Raimi's classic Army of Darkness.
To wit:
Wiseman:
This path will lead you to an unholy place. A cemetery. There the Necronomicon awaits. When thou retrievest the book from its cradle you must recite the words: Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Ash:
Klaatu Barada Nikto. Okay.
Wiseman:
Well repeat them.
Ash:
Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Wiseman:
Again!
Ash:
I got it! I got it! I know your damn words alright? Now you get this straight, the both of you. If I get that book you send me back. After that, I'm history. Hyeah!
[Later... It's crunchtime. Ash has the Necromicon, and to open it without summoning vast legions of the undead he just needs to say...]
Ash:
The words. Right, right, right. Say the words. Klaatu! Barata! Nn... Necktie, necturn, nickle... noodle. It's an 'n' word. It's definitely an 'n' word. It was definitely an 'n' word! Klaatu! Barata! Nn(coughmumblecough).
[The wind stops. Everything quiets down.]
... Okay then. That's it.
[Gravestones start to tremble. Hands shoot up from the graves. The dead rise!]
Ash:
Hey! Wait a minute! Everything's cool! I said the words! I did!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So. "The devil is in the details", they say. And "you never get a second chance to make a first impression". And [insert your own wise adage here]. Being understood can sometimes be kinda important in a sort of preventing-humanity-from-being-overrun-by-the-undead kinda way, yeah?
Of course, it's extremely unlikely you'll ever be in this particular situation (or "sitch" as the Kim Possible set say) of needing to communicate with zombies from the netherworld. I mean, please, let's not be ridiculous.
But space aliens, on the other hand...
Say this is your first meeting with an un-Earthly non-human entity: an Extraterrestrial (ET). If you handle it well, you will be the greatest hero alive, and be able to make a fortune selling your story to the media. If you blow it, the repercussions could be unimaginably terrible, perhaps an interstellar war that could annihilate humanity.
Feeling a little stressed out? Rule Number One: DON'T PANIC.{1} Just follow these simple guidelines, and all will be well. We hope.
(via The Presurfer)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Communication Breakdown Part 2: Erectric Boogaroo
You may have heard of Engrish.com, right? As their FAQ explains, they point out "humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design."
It made me wonder whether "Engrish" occurred in other countries that Japan sends products to. Do Parisians get a giggle out of mistranslated "Flench"? Is there a website for "Itarian"? These questions remain unanswered, but there is another site out there that appreciates a good mistranslation. Think of The Chinglish Files (Chinese + English) as a kind of sister-site to Engrish.com.
For anyone interested, here is a more in-depth look at how Chinglish occurs.
(also via The Presurfer)
(And yes, I realize both of these posts are from The Presurfer. What can I say? The Presurfer rocks. You should check out The Presurfer, for The Presurfer does not disappoint. All hail The Presurfer! If I were that kind of guy, I would give The Presurfer a full-on kiss on the mouth. But no tongues... I like The Presurfer, but I don't like The Presurfer that much.)
You don't think clear communication is important? Well, young grasshopper, perhaps you have forgotten the hard lessons learned by Bruce Campbell's character Ash, from Sam Raimi's classic Army of Darkness.
To wit:
Wiseman:
This path will lead you to an unholy place. A cemetery. There the Necronomicon awaits. When thou retrievest the book from its cradle you must recite the words: Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Ash:
Klaatu Barada Nikto. Okay.
Wiseman:
Well repeat them.
Ash:
Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Wiseman:
Again!
Ash:
I got it! I got it! I know your damn words alright? Now you get this straight, the both of you. If I get that book you send me back. After that, I'm history. Hyeah!
[Later... It's crunchtime. Ash has the Necromicon, and to open it without summoning vast legions of the undead he just needs to say...]
Ash:
The words. Right, right, right. Say the words. Klaatu! Barata! Nn... Necktie, necturn, nickle... noodle. It's an 'n' word. It's definitely an 'n' word. It was definitely an 'n' word! Klaatu! Barata! Nn(coughmumblecough).
[The wind stops. Everything quiets down.]
... Okay then. That's it.
[Gravestones start to tremble. Hands shoot up from the graves. The dead rise!]
Ash:
Hey! Wait a minute! Everything's cool! I said the words! I did!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So. "The devil is in the details", they say. And "you never get a second chance to make a first impression". And [insert your own wise adage here]. Being understood can sometimes be kinda important in a sort of preventing-humanity-from-being-overrun-by-the-undead kinda way, yeah?
Of course, it's extremely unlikely you'll ever be in this particular situation (or "sitch" as the Kim Possible set say) of needing to communicate with zombies from the netherworld. I mean, please, let's not be ridiculous.
But space aliens, on the other hand...
Say this is your first meeting with an un-Earthly non-human entity: an Extraterrestrial (ET). If you handle it well, you will be the greatest hero alive, and be able to make a fortune selling your story to the media. If you blow it, the repercussions could be unimaginably terrible, perhaps an interstellar war that could annihilate humanity.
Feeling a little stressed out? Rule Number One: DON'T PANIC.{1} Just follow these simple guidelines, and all will be well. We hope.
(via The Presurfer)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Communication Breakdown Part 2: Erectric Boogaroo
You may have heard of Engrish.com, right? As their FAQ explains, they point out "humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design."
It made me wonder whether "Engrish" occurred in other countries that Japan sends products to. Do Parisians get a giggle out of mistranslated "Flench"? Is there a website for "Itarian"? These questions remain unanswered, but there is another site out there that appreciates a good mistranslation. Think of The Chinglish Files (Chinese + English) as a kind of sister-site to Engrish.com.
For anyone interested, here is a more in-depth look at how Chinglish occurs.
(also via The Presurfer)
(And yes, I realize both of these posts are from The Presurfer. What can I say? The Presurfer rocks. You should check out The Presurfer, for The Presurfer does not disappoint. All hail The Presurfer! If I were that kind of guy, I would give The Presurfer a full-on kiss on the mouth. But no tongues... I like The Presurfer, but I don't like The Presurfer that much.)
Sure, I can drive a stick...
Thursday, March 17, 2005
The first rule of Office Club is... You Do Not Talk About Office Club
Bosses... heh, heh, heh, you know what they say about bosses, right? Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em... Or can you? (via Metafilter)
But wait! Save some of that anger for your co-worker as well and let 'im have it (virtually) with Whip The Worker (Click link and scroll down and download #81 to play).
Think of it as a safety valve to keep you from going all postal while you're OTJ.
But wait! Save some of that anger for your co-worker as well and let 'im have it (virtually) with Whip The Worker (Click link and scroll down and download #81 to play).
Think of it as a safety valve to keep you from going all postal while you're OTJ.
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